BBF (Blackberry Figments)

Well, well, well....blackberries have hit the market real bad this past year, don't u think, with the curves, the bolds, the storms, the pearls....its insane everybody is addicted to blackberries. Non-BB users would all tell you to stop using it so much, you're becoming anti-social, if I ever get the blackberry I will never be this addicted. BULLSHIT. You will be addicted. I mean u will be so addicted that after a couple of years, you will have to go to a BB Rehab Facility a.ka. Nokia Sales Center. You see its like a whole different world. It has its own theories, disorders, fun parts, serious parts, and certainly full of drama. See for those of you who don't have blackberries and don't know much about it, let me introduce a few things for you. If you haven't heard there is this application of the blackberry that is called Blackberry Messenger, long for BBM. It allows all blackberry users across the globe to communicate with each other for free. Then like most phones, the blackberry has a blinker which blinks red if you have any unread BBMs, SMSs, MMSs, Emails, Facebook notifications, missed calls whatever. To the common phone user a blinker is just a small LED on their phone, to a blackberry user it's their hormonal boost trigger, their 50/51 brain stability factor. It because when that blinker goes red, oh its like sweet Jesus has set you soul free, we go crazy. But see its still all about levels, so here are a couple of names for the disorders that are associated with the blinker: -

BBB (Blackberry Blinker) Disorders

1) Native BBB Disorder

This is the first stage. One that all blackberry users go through. This is when you itch to see that blinker go red. Symptoms include excitement at irrational moments, boredom, finger fatigue, and nausea.

2) Advanced BBB Disorder

This is the more severe stage of the previous one. Sometimes you don't wait for it to blink red so you help it along with things like "where r u?" BBMs, sending your self emails from apps, its like putting your finger down your throat to throw up. At this stage you will find looking away from your blackberry is rather irritating, it is also when you start realizing that the more you type the stronger your fingers get.

3) Obsessive BBB Disorder

This is when you KNOW you're addicted to blackberries. There is no turning back from this one. This is when u start seeing your own blinker and everybody Else's in a 10 meter radius. Its sick. And you cannot shut up about. It is like "dude your phone is blinking", other guy goes like "yeah i know". Two minutes later, you go like "man, I'm serious OK, check whats on it put it away its driving me crazy." The bad part is that, even if he doesn't check it and puts it in his pocket, you still know that its blinking and you think about it for a while. In this stage there is also the sleeping blinker. This is when you still see the blinker even though your eyes are wide shut while your sleeping. You would get up see whats blinking, reply to them, then u go back to sleep.

4) Hallucinative BBB Disorder

This is when you need to start thinking about alternative ways of filling your free time. This is when you see the blinker EVERYWHERE. Its not even blinking but you see it blink. its the inner sub-conscience wanting it to be blinking so god damn it, its blinking. Its not in a crazy pull my hair way, don't get me wrong its just idiotic. So for example you'd think it's blinking, so you look at the phone for a while, now you're convinced that its not blinking and you KNOW that there is nothing but you still get the phone press on a button to see for yourself. You want to go from 100% to 300%.

Blackberry Theories

I think its all related to my theory of blackberry sharing. We, as blackberry users, like to share information more than non-blackberry users. Why? Because we got the means to do it stuck to our hand all the time and we can do it for free. We always get the urge to take pictures and send it to others, record voice notes and send them, every time we read an interesting article we send it to everyone, when we really wanna share thoughts we use all kinds of status updates. First we start with our BBM status. That one is gotta be small, hip and says it all. You don't want to be writing an essay on you BBM status, the screen is too small. These include : the city you're in e.g Cairo, CAI, NYC, DXB, LA, London...i think we use the airport code for the city to prove that we went to the airport like i didn't come on the bus mofo. There are also location statuses...like e.g. beachside, beachin it, beach this....if not then we start naming the season we r in, like everyone else doesn't know that its summma time, or like cold winter or fall breeze. We then move on to the more commonly used status update service on Facebook. There we can write things, doesn't matter how long it is but its gotta have a cause, or an inside joke because otherwise nobody will care. If we want to move up the status update world we gotta tweeeet. My favorite tweetalicious Twitter. We use Twitter when we cannot control our status updates, i mean if when we get obsessive compulsive with it, we tweet. Tweeting: a serious disease with no cause and no cure. We are not really sure if it is bad for you.

Another fabulous, awesome theory that exists in the blackberry world, is the theory of unlimited expectations. This theory talks about how just when you thought your blackberry has outdone its service for you. It surprises with new ways to help you along in your life. the theory basically states that one of the specifications of the blackberry is "sky is the limit". People that made it themselves still didn't figure out all the things you can do with it.

Remember the days when SMS was huge. When texting was so in you'd pay more for messaging than phone calls. Now, to me if you are willing to pay money to tell me something means that its important. SMSs on blackberries are a serious matter. I get scared when i see an SMS on my phone. Excited, but scared. I get terrified, when somebody who has me on BBM, SMSs me. Because you know what that means, i could have told you this for free, but NO, I'm gonna pay money to tell you this peace of information. It is very similar to when if somebody calls you to wish you happy birthday, they shut the phone, open facebook and write on your wall saying "Happy Birthday". WHAT'S UP WITH THAT?? What does it mean? Sometimes i don't feel like knowing the answer. I really don't. Until somebody decides to share that with me.

The problem is that now, if you don't have blackberry, blackberry users are not that into you anymore. They don't hate you. It is just that they cant share a lot with you. Their service means more to them! I know! It's messed up but it's true. It is also getting very hard to be a talkative person in public. If I'm sitting with someone and 6 people start to BBM me, and I'm addicted, I'm gonna have to talk to the 6 people. Its pure math. We as humans love more. If I can talk to more people at the same time for the same price, I will. But do not get us wrong. We are greedy creatures. We cant change who we are. If its on the menu, we are gonna order it.